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The Dummy Files: Jailhouse Bar Mitzvah, Dodgeball Choker, et al.

By Javier Lavagnino, Esq. on June 19, 2009 | Last updated on March 21, 2019

This week's file o' folly features some sensitive, and some perhaps not-so-sensitive, individuals in positions of authority, plus also a somewhat misdirected call for help:

Careers in "The Tombs"? A high level correctional official in New York probably wasn't in a celebratory mood this week after resigning his position for having thrown a bar mitzvah. Throwing a bar mitzvah is totally cool, unless, I guess, it happens to be in a correctional facility and, oh yeah, for an inmate's son. It was apparently a pretty lavish affair with over 60 guests, catering, and live music. CNN reported on New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg's take on the matter during a morning radio show, where he said he couldn't give out any details about the investigation, and said simply, "As they say, oy vey."

In Need of Help. Billy Floyd Morris, an Alabama 33-year-old, thought his roomies were ripping him off. He did what any reasonable citizen would do, that is, he called the cops. Well, in these particular circumstances, Billy Floyd, might not have thought his course-of-action through entirely, or may he wasn't thinking straight at all. When police got there, they found a fully operational and running meth lab. To walk free, Billy Floyd Morris will need to make $1 million bond on the drug charges he faces.

A Blown Call. Reactions to a mistaken call during a sporting event can range from mild disgust and griping, on one hand, to McEnroe-esque fury. Well, a substitute gym teacher and a 10-year-old student in new New York might have taken an argument over a call in a dodgeball game to new heights. An NY detective says the teacher allegedly called the boy "a big baby" and a "crybaby", and the kid ended up getting grabbed by the neck, dragged around, and put in a chokehold. The sub, who faces charges including assault, is reportedly pulling the self-defense card, presumably based on a punch the boy threw (and missed). Talk about a bad call...

Speaking of infantile... A mayor trying to do a good deed by breaking up a fight at a park might wish he'd done so a bit more quietly after a video of the incident surfaced on YouTube showing him yelling at one teen, "Come here, fatso" and "Tubby, get your butt out of here" (the clip actually contains some additional language I can't include here). Toledo, Ohio, Mayor Carty Finkbeiner, 70, does have some history of law enforcement-like aspirations as he "once chased down a motorist who had driven through a red light and gave the driver a citizen's complaint." Maybe he just needs some sensitivity training?

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