The ABA Has a Wine Club. No Really. Our Bar Sells Wine.
I don't even know where to start with this one: the "bar" puns or "lawyers are such alcoholics ..." trope that this feeds so well into.
The American [Legal] Bar Association has a wine club. That's right, our office just got an email from ABA Leisure presenting their wine club and wine store (via Uncorked.com). The unsolicited email promises "curated" wines for "all palates and budgets," and if you're the type that doesn't need monthly deliveries of booze to your doorstep, there's also a store for one-off purchases.
Lest you think the ABA is encouraging alcoholism, don't you worry: in size 2 font (estimating) at the bottom of the email, the ABA advises you to "Drink Responsibly."
Cheap Wine for Recent Grads?
Despite my aversion to mail-order clubs, and the nagging feeling that I shouldn't trust a bunch of lawyers with my palate, I had to check out the offerings.
Alas, we're not talking a Franzia boxed wine budget here: the cheapest offering is $69 per shipment (of three carefully selected bottles). You can choose to have wines delivered monthly, every other month, or quarterly. And there is a wine dude ready to tell you why he's sending you those specific wines:
Did I hear "our family-owned" and "our Tangly Oaks Cabernet Sauvignon"? Ah, it's some guy picking out his own vineyard's wines to send you for $70 per month.
I Don't Drink Swill
Okay young lawyer, you're balling without a budget. What does the wine club have for you? The "Founders Club" is $299 per shipment and you'll get some "highly allocated, exclusive, and rare wines" for your collections. And yes, wine guy is including one of his own in this bundle too:
What Do I Pair These With?
If the Founder's Club just doesn't suit your taste, here are the three wines from the "Enthusiast Wine Club" and our suggested judicial pairings (Get it? Because lawyers drink so much that they'll want wine with their Supreme Court opinions.):
2011 North Coast Cabernet Sauvignon Lot #15
We were originally going to go with Justice Scalia here, because Italian pairs well with a red wine. But his writing seems too caustic for a Cab Sav described as "intense aromas of dark fruit (blackberries, black cherries) and a hint of mocha." Since the wine is "well balanced on the palate, with full body," we'll say Justice Anthony Kennedy -- he's the swing vote and "full body" might aptly describe his long, meandering opinions.
Anthonj Rupert Optima
The description of this wine, imported from South Africa where the winery is "nestled beneath the jagged peaks of the Groot Drakenstein Mountain," is everything one mocks in a wine critique. The red wine blend reportedly has "an integrated oak backbone" and "velvety sooth mouthfeel." With such a flowery description, one can't help but wonder if the wine under the label can live up to its fancy billing.
What pairs well with that? How about the Sixth Circuit's recent decision upholding same-sex marriage bans in four states? The majority's opinion began with notes of self-determination, states' rights, and the voice of the people, but the holding itself was supported by a decades-old one-liner from the Supreme Court and the notion that heterosexual marriage promotes responsible child-rearing. Indeed.
Chimney Rock Sauvignon Blanc
The wine? It has "aromas of white peach, pear, and light citrus." It is "full bodied with bright acidity." What pairs well with that? Fun, light, and full bodied? Sounds like our Blogs for Legal Professionals to me. We're even occasionally acidic, but only when mocking wine clubs and ridiculous legal decisions.
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