Medieval Sword Fighters Report Robbery, Get Busted for Pot Dealing

By Aditi Mukherji, JD on January 16, 2014 | Last updated on March 21, 2019

A medieval sword-fighting duo called 911 to report being robbed in a Taco Bell parking lot. They conveniently forgot to mention that the item robbed from them was pot -- which they allegedly were trying to sell to their robbers.

Just another day in the neighborhood!

As expected, the police didn't take too kindly on the knights in skunky armor.

Touché, Toker Teens

Sebastian Wozniak and Anthony Klier reportedly met a group of teenagers in the parking lot of a Taco Bell in Westlake, Ohio, to practice medieval sword-fighting, reports United Press International.

But apparently the sword fighting also entailed an alleged plan for Wozniak to sell the teens $80 worth of weed. Alas, things didn't go according to plan. One of the teens pepper-sprayed Wozniak and made off with the spliff spoils.

Wozniak and Klier then called the cops to report a robbery -- but suspiciously left out details about what exactly was stolen. Cops eventually wisened up to what happened and boiled it down to a drug deal gone awry.

Go ahead and take a not-even-remotely-wild guess at what happened next...

En Garde, Alleged Dealers!

You guessed it, they were arrested. This is because you have no property rights to contraband.

While it's not entirely unheard of for officers to return stolen weed to their rightful owners, they typically only do so in the context of people's medical marijuana being stolen. Ohio doesn't even allow medical marijuana, so the sale of marijuana violates both state and federal law.

Wozniak is preparing to battle his charges for trafficking marijuana, obstructing justice and possessing criminal tools. Meanwhile, Klier will strike at his charges for trafficking marijuana and obstructing justice.

If the two are convicted, the severity of their sentences will depend on a number of factors that, coincidentally, match the formula for choreographing compelling medieval sword fights:

  • Speed and technicality. What roles did they play in the crime?
  • Repetitiveness. Are they first-time or repeat offenders?
  • Importance. How serious was the crime?
  • Danger. Was anyone hurt?

The real victor here seems to be the band of teens. The teenage sword fighters "foiled" the alleged dealers' drug plot and made off with the princess pot completely undetected by the dragon police.

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