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Man Calls 911 to Report Wife Stole His Cocaine, Gets Arrested

By Christopher Coble, Esq. on March 11, 2015 | Last updated on March 21, 2019

You might think we don't need a list of things you shouldn't tell the cops. Then you might read the story of an Ohio man who called 911 to complain that his wife stole his cocaine.

In the most predictable turn of events ever, the man was promptly arrested when officers responded to the call.

If You Want to Hang Out, You've Gotta Take Her Out...

Robert Collins of Alliance, Ohio, was arrested and charged with improper use of the 911 system and possession of drug paraphernalia when officers found him at his home with a marijuana pipe and an active warrant.

Collins had called 911 earlier and explained to the dispatcher that his "lady" had taken cocaine that he'd purchased earlier in the day. He followed up his theft report with a profanity-laced tirade aimed at the alleged thief.

It remains unclear from news reports whether the cocaine has been recovered.

She Don't Lie...

Collins appears to have violated Ohio Revised Code Section 128.32, which states:

(E) No person shall knowingly use the telephone number of a 9-1-1 system established under this chapter to report an emergency if the person knows that no emergency exists.

(F) No person shall knowingly use a 9-1-1 system for a purpose other than obtaining emergency service.

While Collins may have thought his missing cocaine was an emergency, it is doubtful a court will feel the same way.

Don't Forget This Fact, You Can't Get It Back...

Collins's cocaine theft report adds to a rich tapestry of ill-advised 911 calls. Teens calling to report their parents' loud sex. A grown man complaining his mom took his beer. Florida men, seemingly in competition about who can make more 911 calls.

And, of course, who could forget the 911 butt dialers: burglars planning their heist, another set of burglars recording their heist, and a man headed to his drug dealer's house to get high.

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