Kid Kingpins: Middle Schoolers Get Cocaine Cartel Homework

By Christopher Coble, Esq. on December 23, 2015 | Last updated on March 21, 2019

If we've said it once, we've said it a thousand times: it's never too early to teach our children about business and entrepreneurship. For instance, is 11 years old too young to learn how to take cocaine from the cartel to the street dealer? We say no.

That's why we need more science teachers like the one at Bear Creek Intermediate School in Keller, Texas, who sent 6th graders home with an assignment titled, "The Cocaine Trade: From Field to Street."

"A Rough Picture of How the Cocaine Trade Works"

And this assignment was no bush league, hypothetical thought experiment. Nope, the Unit 8 Activity Master takes students step-by-detailed-step through the cocaine trade: "One step is the manufacture stage. Another is the distribution stage, involving smugglers and big-time drug dealers." Who doesn't want their kids to be big-time when they grow up?

The assignment also teaches reading comprehension and critical thinking skills. It's a "Following the Sequence" exercise where students are asked to trace cocaine through 6 distinct stages of cultivation, manufacture, and sale. Then they're asked whether certain statements, like "Drug cartels try to control the supply of cocaine" are fact or opinion. Well that's a fact, brother! When demand is constant, limiting supply drives up prices. And that's the only way to make money in this game. I learned that from Pablo Escobar and selling my Halloween candy in May.

"Study It"

The student's dad and the local school district are all in a huff, but where else is junior going to learn the profit margin between the street value of cocaine and the raw coca paste? Do you really want him haggling with gun-toting thugs when he should already know cocaine powder goes to distributors at $25k a kilo? And how will he cut out the middle man if he doesn't know who the middle man is?

The way we see it, following cocaine's path from farmer to fashion model is really following a path to success. So kudos to all the kiddie kingpins that completed their homework assignment -- you're one step closer to retirement. For extra credit, we recommend brushing up on your skills at hiring a criminal defense attorney.

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