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Five Cheap Cocktails to Celebrate the End of the Bar Exam

By William Peacock, Esq. on August 02, 2013 | Last updated on March 21, 2019

That was fun, wasn't it?

Say what you will about 1L year, but for me, bar study and California's three days of pain trumps a little bit of Socratic hazing. When I walked out of the exam, my friends and fellow test-takers bee-lined for the bar across the street, drank a single beer, and then headed home and slept ... for a long time.

You'll also probably feel like celebrating. The problem is, after three months of studying, and thousands of dollars sunk into the prep course and the exam, and the legal job market, you're probably a little short on cash. No worries though, we've got a few ideas that can help:

Brass Monkey

Malt liquor. Does it get any better, nay cheaper, than that? Unfortunately, not many are able to appreciate the greatness of King Cobra, Steel Reserve, Old English, or Country Club XXX. A friend of mine introduced me to a fine solution that may help: the Brass Monkey.

Grab a 40. Drink until you reach the top of the label. Fill the space with orange juice.

Yeah. It sounds gross. The taste, however, is like a downbeat mimosa.

Seagram's and Sunny D

Gin and juice? Sorry Snoop Dogg, but orange juice has too much acid (bad for hangovers), too many calories, and of course, costs much more than its artificially delicious cousin, Sunny Delight.

Other variants include Gin and Dew (Mountain Dew, to be exact) or swapping in Seagram's with lime.

Calimocho, a.k.a. Kalimotxo or Cocavino

Haven't tried this one personally, but in Spain, the "cool" kids (er,  students) mix equal parts cheap red wine and coke, served on the rocks. Wikipedia calls it an "icon of Basque culture."

Between Spanish words (Cocavino is CokeWine; use one of the other names to sound worldly) and the "icon of Basque culture" phrase, you might even forget that you're drinking thinly-disguised two buck Chuck.

Another variant to try: red wine and, either Fresca or Mountain Dew. It apparently tastes "sangria-like."

Five Loko

Courtesy of a coworker who shall remain anonymous, the Five Loco is the new-age alternative to the pre-ban Four Loco. Get a now-decaffeinated Four Loko. Add a Five Hour Energy shot. Actually, don't. It sounds terrible, unhealthy, and is the drink most likely to ruin your life.

The Classics

Yep, this is cheating. Instead of a fifth cocktail, we'll just list a few other great "oh crap I'm unemployed and might have just failed the bar exam" drinks: Franzia boxed wine (especially the chillable red), the new Budweiser Black Crown, and the hipster classic: Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Have any drinks that you proudly (or shamefully) sipped in hard times past? Share them with us, and the legions of unemployed recent law graduates, on our Facebook page.

Editor's Note: Please drink responsibly. We don't want to write about you in one of our DUI blogs. Really.

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